Something Nasty in the Slushpile

A hilarious and salutary rummage through the perils of the publisher's slushpile

Most publishers keep a "slushpile"—the stack of unsolicited manuscripts which contains a large percentage of preposterous or frightening book proposals, which might just conceal that one jewel of a bestseller or classic novel lying near the bottom. Authors discovered via the slush pile include Roddy Doyle, J. K. Rowling, and Philip Roth. Stephenie Meyer sent 15 query letters about her teenage-vampire saga and got nearly 10 rejection letters, while Kathryn Stockett's The Help was turned down 60 times before becoming a best seller. Sadly, these are the exceptions. Written by a reader with more than a decade of slush pile experience, this book takes a tour through the dos and don'ts of book proposal, including many examples of hilarious, misguided, and plain weird approaches. Offputing greetings include Dear honourable reader or dear potential agent, friend and colleague. Famous first lines include After ten books of criticism, I am turning my attention to a subject close to my heart, the illustrated story of my own life or Firstly may I apologise for not getting this to you sooner after our conversation last week, however an unexpected funeral cropped up. or Someone is killing literary agents. USPs: It's like a British male version of Eat, Pray, Love. But less shrill and more believable. or There are echoes of Paul Theroux and parallels with The Alchemist and Siddhartha or I want 10,000 people to be reading my book at the same time all over the world. I want the light to go on for them, the penny to drop and the wheel of change to start turning.  And lessons in how not to respond to constructive criticism include such examples as Dear so-called publisher and I have shown my manuscript to my spiritual guide and he agrees that you are utterly wrong.