The Power of Deep Listening (Using Active Listening Skills)

Roger Kay Allen, Ph.D.

What students are saying:

“A fantastic course for everyone at any stage of life. This subject is rarely given the attention it needs; at least in my life, I assumed because I could hear I was able to listen. So many wasted interactions. The commitment is small. The material is well put together, and Roger does a fantastic job in delivering it. The exercises and examples really help with understanding and taking the steps you need to put this material into practice. So much of your success in life, both personally and professionally, will depend on how well you master this skill.” Dimiter Pecev

“The course was profound and easy to understand. I am excited to apply the learnings at home and in my sales career.” James Carlo Seva

“This is an Excellent course on Listening. I started applying what I have learned from this course and noticed the amazing benefits both my personal and professional life. I highly recommend this course to everyone. ” Jo Missi

Why a Course on Listening?

Listening is thought of as a soft skill. Perhaps the softest of the soft skills. What’s the big deal you might ask? We listen every day. It’s something we learned to do as children and it comes naturally. And yet, I’m going to suggest that it is not that easy.

There is a lot going on during communication. The speaker has to put into words not just information but often complex perceptions, thoughts, feelings, and intent.

Then a listener has to decode this message through a filter of their own biases, attitudes, beliefs, feelings, motives, and life experiences. And to make it all the more complex, experts tell us that words make up only about 11% of the message in face to face communication. Tone of voice is about 35% of the message and body language as well as other contextual cues make up about 55%. There is simply a lot going on which can make listening so challenging.

The Importance of Active Listening Skills

I define active listening as suspending judgment and being fully present with another person to understand his or her experience or point of view. Deep listening involves hearing more than the words of the speaker but taps into the deeper meaning, unspoken needs, and feelings conveyed. It is something that is done with the heart as well as the mind.

As you use active listening, you create a climate of respect based on non-judgment and receptivity that allows others to express themselves fully. You make it safe for them to express not only surface opinions but also their deeper feelings and needs as well as inner experience and wisdom.

Using active listening skills is how you:

· Establish deeper connections

· Build trust, rapport, and goodwill

· Bridge understanding and foster unity of vision and purpose

· Acquire vital information that makes you better at decision-making and problem-solving

· Overcome friction and conflict

· Promote learning, growth, and even healing

· Unleash motivation

· Empower others to take responsibility so they can do or be their best

Have you ever spoken to someone who was fully engaged and interested? Who made you feel you were the only person in the world at that moment?

That is the power of using active listening skills. It begins with recognizing that everyone with whom you interact wants to heard and understood. It is your willingness to offer them this gift.

The ability to listen is the heart and essence of every healthy relationship. The best and most trusted leaders, bosses, co-workers, spouses/partners, parents, helping professionals, friends, customer service reps, grocery clerks, etc. know how to listen. There are few more valuable gifts you can give the people in your life than that of a willingness and ability to listen deeply by using active listening skills.

Most of us are not good listeners

Unfortunately, most of us are not good listeners. We tend to:

· Get distracted by random thoughts or what’s going on around us

· Interpret what others say through our own filters (biases, feelings, motives, experiences)

· Tune out because we think we already know what someone is going to say

· Think that what others have to say isn’t important

· Focus on formulating our response rather than hearing them out

· Quickly judge (agree or disagree) rather than opening ourselves to another’s point of view

· Wait impatiently for someone to finish so we can talk

· Shut down messages we don’t want to hear

· Hear the words only and not the deeper needs or meaning conveyed

· Take over the conversation by our comments and questions

· Offer solutions and “quick fixes” rather than guiding others to their own wisdom and experience

· Try to make others feel better rather than letting them own and work through their experience

What you will get out of the course

By going through this course on active listening, you’ll come away understanding the value and power of listening. More importantly, you’ll come away knowing how to listen deeply and, thereby, build much more powerful relationships and become much more effective in influencing others and empowering them for success.

I’m genuinely excited about this program because I know the power of active listening skills. I can tell you that the relationships I value most are those in which someone has listened and really heard me. It is these relationships that have not only helped me feel validated and affirmed but given me the desire and courage to improve myself or go forward to accomplish important things.

By going through this program you’ll learn the most important influencing skill in the world. That key is not being able to explain yourself more eloquently or forcefully, but rather being able to actively listen to others in a way that unleashes understanding and goodwill.

Course Format

Section One: In this section, I talk about the importance of active listening skills, give you an idea of where we’re headed, what you can expect, and how we’re going to get there. I’ll also offer some tips to help you get the most out of the course. And, finally, I’m giving you a survey to assess your listening skills. You can use this to identify learning objectives and measure your progress.

Section two is making the case for using good active listening skills. Good listeners are good listeners in all aspects of their lives. I want to take a few minutes to demonstrate the value on the job as well as at home and in your personal life. I’m going to share a number of stories or case studies that demonstrate the importance and power of active listening.

Section three is about our natural tendencies when listening to others, our poor responses. I present an exercise and case-study in which we look at common ways people respond, even when our intentions are good and we want to help and support people. This section is becoming aware of what we do that is not helpful. We have to recognize old patterns that are not helpful before we’re ready to learn new, healthier responses.

Section four is about “Getting to Bedrock.” It’s made up almost entirely of examples of good active listening vs. poor listening so you can see what happens when we listen well. Active listening opens up communication in such a way that we’re able to go deeper so we can deal with real issues.

Section five is about how to develop active listening skills. We’ll look at barriers to effective listening and the importance of our assumptions in the listening process. I’ll introduce the steps of listening and give you more examples as well as some exercises and application to practice what you’re learning.

Section six is moving from active listening to problem-solving. Although I consider listening to be a foundation skill, perhaps the most important skill we can learn to improve our relationships, it is not the only skill. I put active listening in context to show you when and how to transition to other skills, particularly once you’ve done a good job of listening. In particular, I focus on a skill I call valuing which is helping people solve their own problems without taking over for them.

Finally, is the conclusion in which I summarize the program, what you have learned and offer parting thoughts. You’ll also have a chance to take the survey again and see how much you’ve improved in your active listening skills.

I’m confident you will improve and, as you do so, people will notice and appreciate the way in which you can be there for them and support them in solving their problems and also achieving their visions, what they’re most excited about in life.

A little about me

My name is Roger K. Allen, Ph.D. I’m a psychologist, author, executive coach and business consultant with many years of helping people in their personal lives and on the job. I’ve helped hundreds of couples, business partners, executives, department managers and employees learn skills in communication, listening, and conflict resolution. I’ve also taught my skill-based programs to over 1500 trainers and consultants throughout the world.

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What's inside

Learning objectives

How to use active listening skills to get below the surface and hear what others are really saying
How to use listening skills to be accessible, attuned, and responsive to others
Recognition of your listening habits that close down communication
Using active listening to make it safe for others to share their deeper thoughts, feelings and needs

How to help others tap into their deeper wisdom and motivation
To be present and aware of conversation dynamics
How to create understanding, trust and deeper connections with others through active listening skills

How to use active listening skills to get below the surface and hear what others are really saying
How to use listening skills to be accessible, attuned, and responsive to others
Recognition of your listening habits that close down communication
Using active listening to make it safe for others to share their deeper thoughts, feelings and needs
How to help others tap into their deeper wisdom and motivation
To be present and aware of conversation dynamics
How to create understanding, trust and deeper connections with others through active listening skills

Syllabus

Introduction and Overview

This lecture provides an overview of the meaning, importance, and benefits of deep listening. It will increase the desire and motivation of students to learn the art of good listening.

This lecture offers a road map for the course. Students will have a good idea of the overall structure of the course and what they can expect to gain from each section.

You'll come away from this lecture with some practical strategies to increase your learning as you go through the course.

This lecture is a pre-course survey for you to assess your current listening skills. It's a chance to reflect and receive feedback about your proficiency. It's also an opportunity to identify some areas for improvement, which will help you be more focused as you go through the course.

The Power of Active Listening Skills

This lecture is an example of the consequences when we don't listening to employees in a work setting.

An true-life example of the power of listening to an employee in a work setting.

An case study or example of the difference in a parent who does not listen and a parent who does listen to a child who has a problem.

An exercise to become better at noticing conversations and how well people are listening as well as the consequences of poor vs. good listening responses.

This lecture provides a model that encompasses the range of situations in which listening is appropriate and how listening differs between situations.

This lecture reveals the research on the importance of good listening at home and also gives you some steps for helping your children and family members become more emotionally literate.

This lecture helps you understand the place of good listening in marriage and offers tips to improve your listening skills in your marriage or relationship with your partner.

In a past exercise, you watched conversations between others to learn about good listening. In this exercise, you turn your focus on yourself. How well are you listening in some day-to-day, real-time conversations.

Check Your Understanding 1

Poor Listening Responses

This is a recording of four couples participating in a small group exercise to help them become more aware of the dynamics of listening. You'll see examples of our typical, yet unhelpful responses as we're communicating. You'll be able to apply this to yourself.

In this lecture, we go over our natural and yet harmful responses when communicating with others. You'll get a good look at poor listening responses that you want to avoid.

Active Listening as Someone is Going Through Grief

This is a case study from a work setting. It's about a woman who has a bad day and is about ready to quit her job. You'll see how other people respond to her.

Exercise: Over-riding Your Natural, Poor Listening Responses

You'll take a look at your support network. Who comes to you for support? What role do you play. To whom do you go for support? Do they support you in strengthening ways?

Getting to Bedrock by Using Active Listening Skills

This is a real-life example of an employee who is testing the water to know how openly he can talk to his boss. You'll be able to see the impact that his boss has on his likelihood to open up and speak candidly.

Here are a few questions to think about the responses of the boss in the last lecture. What was the impact of the supervisors responses on Bob?

This is a do-over of the previous case-study. But this time the boss uses good listening. You'll see just how different the outcome is.

Here's an example of poor listening by a mother who is threatened that her daughter wants to stop playing soccer.

This is an example of a mother who listens to her daughter who wants to quit soccer. You'll see the power of her listening as the daughter opens up enough to talk to her mother about real issues.

In this lecture, you'll learn about getting to bedrock or solid ground during listening. You'll learn the characteristics of bedrock and why it is such an important milestone in your listening.

You'll learn, in this lecture, that you don't always have to get to bedrock. Every conversation is not going to go deep. However, it is important to create the conditions of bedrock for people to feel safe enough to open up to you.

Check Your Understanding 2

How to Use Active Listening Skills

You will learn that positive assumptions lead to deep listening which leads to good outcomes. On the other hand, negative assumptions about people prevent listening which leads to poor relationship outcomes.

Learn the two primary goals of listening and why both are so important. You're listening will be better if you're aware of these goals.

Your will learn the process of listening, how to be a good listener. I cover the seven steps or keys as well as two questions to ask yourself that will make you a good listener.

I challenge you to get out there are practice what you're learning. There are so many opportunities to use the art of listening and you'll only get better through conscious practice.

Part of good listening is suspending your tendency to judge or evaluate what another is saying. You get the opportunity to turn poor listening responses to good listening responses in this exercise.

In this video I share a number of case studies or examples that demonstrate application of the listening skill. You'll see it applied to many different types of situations.

You will practice getting below the surface of what someone is saying to hearing the meaning behind their words. This is a critical aspect of good listening.

This a fun, true story about parents who listened to their son complain about life not being fair.

This is another look at the listening skill by a manager of a resistant employee.

Much listening takes place in groups. In this lecture, you'll learn to be a better listener by observing group dynamics.

Although listening is a foundation skill of good communication, it is not always necessary. In this lecture, I'll share some qualifications to listening, times when deep listening is not the best response.

Moving from Listening Skills to Problem-Solving

You will learn how to move from deep listening into problem-solving.

You'll learn the Valuing Process or how to ask questions that help people explore consequences, identify what they want and take responsibility to get results.

You'll watch a mother not only listen to her upset daughter but move from listening to asking questions to help her daughter think through how to solve her problem.

This lecture is a demonstration of a husband asking valuing questions to help his wife think through how she'll handle a difficult challenge at work.

Here is an example of using the valuing questions with Joni, the employee from earlier in the program. Her boss asks her questions to help her move from feeling frustrated and hopeless to taking action and becoming more assertive.

I demonstrate that you don't have to always use valuing after deep listening. You can often ask these questions when others come to you with a problem, including on the job when employees want to shift responsibility from their shoulders onto the boss.

Check Your Understanding 3

Summary and Conclusion

I begin to summarize the skill of listening by offering an example of listening to resolve a common concern in many homes.

In this final lecture, I review and put in context the major principles from this program to help you remember them.

You will take the listening survey after completing the course to see how far you have come as well as identify areas for further growth and development.

I give you more information about how to follow me, if you would like, including web page as well as links to social media. I also provide more information about other courses I offer through Udemy.

Good to know

Know what's good

, what to watch for

, and possible dealbreakers

Develops communication and listening skills, which are highly relevant in a wide range of academic and work environments

Taught by Roger K. Allen, Ph.D., a psychologist, author, executive coach and business consultant with many years of helping people in their personal lives and on the job

Analyzes how listening helps people be present, mindful, and responsive during conversations

Examines the nuances of listening, going beyond simply understanding words and including understanding body language and other contextual cues

Suitable for beginners or those wanting to strengthen their listening skills, providing a strong foundation for continued learning and development

Includes practical exercises and real-world examples to illustrate how active listening can be applied in multiple contexts

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Activities

Be better prepared before your course. Deepen your understanding during and after it. Supplement your coursework and achieve mastery of the topics covered in The Power of Deep Listening (Using Active Listening Skills) with these activities:

Read "How to Win Friends & Influence People"

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Provides valuable insights into effective communication and interpersonal skills, including active listening.

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Read the book.
Take notes on the key points and strategies.
Apply the principles to your own life and interactions.

Watch a Video on Active Listening

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Helps to understand and visualize the techniques of active listening.

Browse courses on Active Listening

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Find a video on active listening.
Watch the video and pay attention to the techniques being demonstrated.
Take notes on the key points.

Listening Inventory

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Provides an opportunity to practice and improve listening skills.

Browse courses on Listening Skills

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Take the Listening Inventory survey.
Reflect on your results and identify areas for improvement.
Practice using active listening techniques in everyday conversations.

Four other activities

Expand to see all activities and additional details

Show all seven activities

Create a Listening Journal

Show steps

Allows for self-reflection and tracking of progress in developing listening skills.

Browse courses on Active Listening

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Choose a notebook or journal to use.
Write down the date and time of each conversation you have.
Describe the conversation and your role in it.
Reflect on your listening skills and identify areas for improvement.

Join a Listening Support Group

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Provides a safe and supportive environment to practice and improve listening skills.

Browse courses on Active Listening

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Find a support group that focuses on listening skills.
Attend the meetings and participate actively.
Share your experiences and insights with other members.

Attend a Workshop on Active Listening

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Provides an opportunity to learn from experts and practice active listening techniques in a group setting.

Browse courses on Active Listening

Show steps

Find a workshop on active listening.
Register for the workshop.
Attend the workshop and participate actively.

Volunteer at a Crisis Hotline

Show steps

Provides an opportunity to practice active listening and communication skills in a real-world setting.

Browse courses on Active Listening

Show steps

Find a crisis hotline that you can volunteer at.
Complete the necessary training.
Volunteer at the crisis hotline and provide active listening and support to callers.

Career center

Learners who complete The Power of Deep Listening (Using Active Listening Skills) will develop knowledge and skills that may be useful to these careers: